Category Archives: General

Perception Defines Reality

Too many years ago to mention here I resigned from a position I held.  A senior member in the organisation made a rather public statement along the lines that I was a broken person incapable of dealing with the reality of life! Hmmm… seriously?  Yes, seriously.  In my young naivety I created a negative internal dialogue I would constantly repeat and rehearse, and thus live out subconsciously.  I, without being aware of it, embraced this as the reality of who I was and I started to believe this to be a true reflection of me.  I subconsciously believed that I was a dysfunctional member of society simply by being who I was.

People generally form a perception of who we are and, I believe, this is based on the perception we have of ourselves and thus the one we project.

So what impact does our internal self-perception have on our outward reality?  I believe that how we perceive ourselves internally influences how we project ourselves to others in society and how we ultimately function in society.  Chances are that if we are convinced, not necessarily at a conscious level, that we are a failure, we will act out accordingly and project that message to the rest of society.  Chances are that we will be perceived as a failure, be seen as such, and treated as such.  There’s an old saying that goes:  “Perception defines reality.”

There is a famous statement [attributed to Stephen R. Covey]:  “I am not a product of my circumstances.  I am a product of my decisions.”  The circumstance was a negative statement, as misguided as it may have been, made about me.  My decision, conscious or otherwise, was to let that define my perception of who I was.  The end result was not pretty.  I walked around as a young-adult with a chip on my shoulder.  I was angry at the world blaming everyone for the challenging situations I had encountered.  This in turn led me to become a negative person to interact with.  I become a product of my decision.  The actual circumstance was irrelevant.  It was my decision that defined the outcome.  I allowed my immature decision define the reality of who I was.

As I continued to walk along my journey of life I pondered on the statement:  “I am not a product of my circumstances.  I am a product of my decisions.”  I started to challenge the decisions I made due to challenging circumstances encountered.  I eventually realised that only I have the power to make new decisions.  Only I have the power to rewrite my internal scripts, to adjust the perceptions I have of myself.  By working on creating a much more positive self-perception, based on new decisions, I soon created a far more positive perception of who I am in the minds of those whom I encounter in life.  It is my experience that we live out, and project ourselves in society, in the same manner in which we perceive ourselves.

Now I challenge each decision I make for each circumstance I find myself in.  I challenge myself to make the best, and most positive decision possible –  to turn each situation into a learning opportunity and grow from it.  Only we have the power to make, or change, our decisions and define how we perceive ourselves.

Perception defines reality!

Yours in lifelong learning,

Laura

 

Chasing Perfection

Following on from my earlier blog post “So where’s the other 10%” I continue the narrative.  A great number of years passed between having been asked “So where’s the other 10%” and finally considering and embracing the concept of excellence instead.

After been asked “So where’s the other 10%” as a teenager I turned that question into an internal script telling myself that my best wasn’t good enough until it was 100%.  Overnight I went from a “just enough” person to one who has spent nearly a lifetime chasing their tail as they sought perfection in all that they did.  On many occasions I achieved perfect scores on my IT certification exams.  This would not satisfy my craving for perfection.  I would argue with myself the exam was too easy, that it didn’t test my ability or knowledge.  I would neglect the fact that many of these exams had a high first-time failure rate.  My internal dialogue driving me to seek perfection just would not be satisfied, no matter how hard I worked or what I accomplished.

So what was it exactly that I was chasing so hard?  That was the burning question I was challenged to answer in the first half of this year (2016).  I had to do a great deal of soul-searching to gain an understanding of my negative internal script that I had rehearsed and repeated for most of my adult life.  “So where’s the other 10%?”  I came to realise I had obtained that last 10%.  That last 10% does not mean I had achieved a perfect score.  Nor does it mean that 100% scores are the only ones that count.  It means that I have realised my potential and will continue to do so as I learn and grow.  Functioning in this imperfect world at one’s full potential is a minute-by-minute challenge.  Some days we will do better than others.  But we need to be cognisant of what our potential is in that moment, in that situation.  For me it comes down to excellence.  Again I raise the topic of excellence – see my previous blog post here.

My constant pursuit of perfection has, over time, been replaced with my pursuit of excellence.  My negative internal script has been rewritten and replaced with a far more positive one.  I now pursue being the best that I can possibly be in the moment, in each situation, doing whatever it is I am doing.  Do I always get it right?  Well no, how could I possibly get everything right.  But it’s not about getting it right every time.  It’s not about getting 100%.  It’s about approaching everything in life with excellence in mind. It’s about respecting myself in all things.

We are what we repeatedly do.  Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit – Aristotle

Yours in lifelong learning,

Laura

So where’s the other ten percent?

One evening, in what seems a lifetime ago, I proudly presented my grade for my latest Geography exam to my parents.  I was feeling very proud and smug having obtained a grade of 90%.  Expecting heaps of praise and congratulations I was exceptionally taken aback when I was asked: “So where’s the other 10%?”  I was dazed and confused.  I had not received the response I was anticipating.  Being a young and ill-quipped teenager I had not seen this coming.  I was floored and did not know how to respond.  I couldn’t, at that point in my naivety, grasp where this question originated from.

I have pondered on this moment for many years as it had a significant impact on my young life and how I perceived success and accomplishment.  So where was the other 10%?  In my immaturity the internal dialog I created was one in which I told myself that my best was not good enough until it’s a 100%.  How accurate or healthy is this internal dialog?  Was this the true message that was being conveyed to me through the question asked?

Many years later I came to understand the message that was being conveyed to me.  My parents knew me, and knew me very well.  They understood what I was truly capable of.  They had great, but yet realistic, expectations for me to realise and rise up to achieve my full potential.  So had I obtained a grade that was fully within my reach?  The short answer is no.  I personally had not yet even begun to think of, or ponder on what potential I have.  Had I really applied myself diligently to my studies in preparation for that exam?  Again, the short answer is no.  In hindsight I realise that my approach to life as a teenager was one of “just enough”.  I would do just enough to complete my tasks, hand in my homework and projects, just enough to pass my exams.  I was satisfied with the mere completion of the task at hand and had never considered excellence in my execution thereof.

So why excellence?  Let me start by saying that excellence is not to be confused with perfection.  Striving for excellence in all that we do is showing ourselves respect.  When we approach or do anything half-hearted we are disrespecting ourselves.  We are telling ourselves that we are not worthy of respect.  We may not even be consciously aware of this internal message we are giving ourselves.  Excellence does not mean being better than the person next to us.  To me it means being the best that I can possibly be.  Strive to respect yourself in all that you do.  Without self-respect how can we expect anyone else to show us respect?

Every single thing that we undertake in life is a work of art, a self-portrait if you like.  Ensure that you autograph your work with excellence.

Yours in lifelong learning,

Laura